I Heart NY
Keeping it short and sweet for a change.
In the last two weeks, I’ve attended a party with the future of finance1, had a second skin from humidity, evaded many a speeding taxi, enjoyed a popsicle in the park while turtle watching, and paid $19 for a cosmo at a speakeasy disguised as a cobbler.
You may or may not have guessed it. I’m back in New York.
So far, I’ve already had minor experiences and excitements that could only happen here. Even when things are awful, I’ve found it’s a relief to look up at skyscrapers and say, “Well, at least I’m in New York.”
I don’t mean to imply it’s been all glamour. Stress over jobs and “what will become of me” has followed me from L.A. because nothing is more eternally true than the saying “wherever you go there you are.” I’m still constantly throwing things at the wall to see what sticks and agonizing over what my post-grad life looks like. I like having a plan. I like to know what lies ahead. But the terrifying nature of the unknown is softened by fluffy bagels, a clean fridge (stocked with groceries paid for by my parents), and the confidence I can walk down any avenue and feel I belong.
I see other people walking on the street here! It’s paradise.
It’s too early to say what my life in New York looks like long term. I’ve picked up where my high school self left off, which means my bed still has a panda bear and lemon-shaped pillow on it. The Oscar Wilde quotes2 my middle school self wrote on the walls in an attempt to be rebellious have endured. But I put away some Marvel bobbleheads, rearranged the pictures, and condensed my jewelry into a real jewelry box. I replaced one of the Harry Potter posters with a collage of Lily Tomlin ripped out from an issue of Variety, and, for now, that’s enough to make me feel like an adult.
In many ways, returning home has been a relief. I realize now how much I’ve missed being cared for and seeing some of the most important people in my life on a daily basis. There are so many little things I’m no longer alone in figuring out. I haven’t missed being asked where I’m going, what I’m doing, and who I’m seeing every time I leave the house but everything has its downside.
Someone I love recently told me “you have to let yourself be lucky!”
If I think about how much luck I’ve already had it’s a little overwhelming.3 I’m back here after four years simply because I wish to be. I’m able to start over in my favorite place in the world with a solid foundation. I can already feel this city bringing me a few inches closer to the life I’m hoping to create for myself. It’s like finding a yellow cab at the perfect moment and then riding uptown with the wind in your hair and your eye off the meter: A gift that shouldn’t be taken for granted.
This city can be unkind and cruel, but it heals me every time I’m in it. New York makes me want to take on the world and make it a better place. Maybe it’s because people are so condensed here. How can we help but be reminded of our common humanity? Or maybe it’s just because I’m home.
I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this much luck among my little dramas, everyday disappointments, insecurities, rejections, and disillusionments. But for some reason, New York has smiled on me. Therefore, I must smile back.
Outfit of This Era:
Recommendations for This Era:
Cultivating restaurant opinions and more importantly recommendations. (No one wants the pressure of choosing a place, but you will be inevitably asked so it’s better to get ahead of it)
“Sometimes” by Gerry Cinnamon.
Harley Quinn the animated series.
Calling people on the phone.4
Episodes 1.10, 2.10, 3.7, and 5.6 of Girls.5
Doing things that scare you.
Reading on your commute.
Shout out to my Sacred Heart sisters!
Your reminder: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
All this talk of luck has made me quite tempted to make a “most blessed” joke, again for the Sacred Heart crowd.
I know this is controversial.
Also controversial. I said what I said.