Time in a Bottle

"Reality Starts Here" and the memoirs go global!

Hello, again! Friends, acquaintances, and maybe (one or two) strangers. Welcome back. Even though I bared my soul in the last entry, we’re still essentially on introductions. 

Since you’ve been gone, I graduated from college, spent two weeks in Europe, and returned home to find everything and nothing exactly the same. It’s been such a jam-packed period of time I have no idea how to boil it down to its key ingredients, but for your entertainment, I will try. 

Graduation day was defined by confusion and lost things. No, not the loss of structure in my life, lost youth, or lost college stress. I’m referring to my literal lost tassel, which fell off my cap on the 7:45 a.m. walk to commencement. After scouring the two blocks around our house, my partner in crime¹ and I found the tassel in time to read panicked texts that we were missing the walk. We sprinted (in heels mind you) the trek to campus only to wait around another 20 minutes.

Then, I spent the rest of the day marveling at the disorganization, tracking down lost parents, and looking for people I could introduce them to. 

All the shoes I wore on graduation day.

Within that blur of blisters, never knowing if we were lining up right, and the surreal nature of the whole event (they released doves above our heads), there was also joy. I sat next to some of the people I love most in the world, and together we celebrated everything the past four years have meant by running up the aisle arm in arm.

At least until we almost tripped and had to regain balance.

I didn’t cry (I didn’t have time to), but I did feel a little overcome with emotion when I sat in the Shrine auditorium, looking at the huge School of Cinematic Arts banner on stage. It hit me that I was reaching the end of a long-held dream. Film school at USC. There were so many days I couldn’t imagine getting here and even more when I was absolutely sure I would make it. From the first time I looked at the Hollywood Reporter’s film school rankings, I wanted to go here more than anything. Now that I have, my view of USC is more complicated. Extreme highs and lows, wins, disappointments, and even some middle-of-the-road ambivalence. But I know Sophia circa 2012 would be in awe of how far we’ve come.

Leading up to graduation, I had a lot of conversations with people about how much they’ve changed and I’ve changed... Most people feel they’ve done a 180 since high school, and I was embarrassed to admit I wonder if I haven’t changed enough. As much as parts of me have grown, matured, and evolved, I sometimes feel stuck. Maybe it’s in my nature to always think I could have done more. But for at least a few moments that scattered, sensational, and overwhelming day, I found the time to simply bask in my dream realized. I’m proud and eternally grateful. Grateful to everyone who helped me get here from my parents, to my roommates, to the high school classmate who confidently told me from a blue dean’s office chair “Oh, you’re going to USC.” and never doubted it when she had no reason to be that definitive.²

I also made it on the jumbotron, so two dreams were realized at graduation.

After graduation, I spent two weeks with my mom tooling³ around Amsterdam, Berlin, Amsterdam, Tessel (a beautiful island in the Netherlands), Leeuwarden (mini Amsterdam), Dokkum, Zwolle, and Amsterdam again. It was as exhausting to live as it is to read, but we had a wonderful time. The trip included a healthy mix of cultural landmarks, museums, beers, absurd anecdotes, and arguments over directions. I’m still thinking about packing up and moving into one of those slanted canal-facing buildings, so if I disappear suddenly, that’s the first place you should look.

Most of my stories from the trip aren’t fit for mass newsletter consumption. They’re either too detailed, too dull, or too hilarious to waste here where I can’t see your reaction. But much fun was had unintellectually theorizing about art, learning about my Dutch ancestors, and eating great cheese.

The best cheese board I’ve ever had.

When you travel too long with family you tend to drive each other crazy. Hell, most of the time mothers and daughters don’t even need to travel to drive each other crazy. We can do it easily on a twenty-minute drive to Target. My mom and I are no exception, but by the time we had to separate for our different airport gates, I didn’t want to say goodbye. I regretted every fight we’d had about where we were on the map, and I couldn’t help wishing our canal boat tour or walk through the Van Gogh Museum could have lasted a little longer.

I won’t quote Jim Croce lyrics to you because I want you to be able to stand me when this entry is over. But change makes you think a lot about lost time. Travel makes time seem to stretch infinitely until in a blink of an eye it’s over. It’s time in a bottle.⁴ Now that this is all time gone by, I have to fight getting stuck on regrets and hang-ups because ultimately that just wastes more time, doesn’t it? When there’s so many conversations still to be had, new friends to meet, and loved ones to fall in love with all over again. Milestones aren’t at their best when they’re defined by how much you did or where you went. It’s better to remember them by the people you went through time with.⁵ 

Obligatory Outfit of this Era:

What else could it be other than my graduation ensemble? Those who have known me since my first communion will appreciate my refusal to wear white has aged out of the second grade.

This Era’s Recommendations:

1. “Time in a Bottle” by Jim Croce - PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO LISTEN TO THIS SONG! It’s the damn title. If you already have, check out my all-time Croce favorite, “Operator (That’s Just Not the Way It Feels).”

2. Believing in yourself.

3. Band-aids.

4. Buying essential literature of the country you’re visiting. 

5. Raspberry beer.

6. Postcards as souvenirs.

Lingering Questions from this Era:

• Why do universities send seven emails for one summer film screening of The Black Phone with Ethan Hawke but none about what you’re supposed to do at graduation? 

• Why do border control agents insist on cramming stamps onto the overcrowded first page when there are 20 more blank ones to choose from?

• How much is international postage supposed to cost in the Netherlands? 

1. Thank you for saving my cap game Clare and for doing this whole college thing with me from start to finish.

2. Thank you forever for this pep talk Grace. You don’t know how much I needed to hear it.

3. My mom and I’s new favorite word.

4. The title for this entry came from the theme and (more importantly) the Jim Croce Greatest Hits record I found and brought back from the Netherlands.

5. I know, I know. I promise they won’t all be this sappy.